So I have not been posting the last few days. it has been a whirlwind of information and ups and downs. so let start from the beginning. This will get lengthy…
on June 9th I found out that Jeff and I were expecting. I was nervous but over the moon excited. Obviously the people we told were excited too! Then i had some bleeding on June 17th. I went to the ER had an ultrasound and they saw a gestational sac with yolk sac. Couldn’t find a heart beat but I was only 5 weeks. The cervix was closed and my HCG(pregnancy hormone) was rising as it should. I was sent home. I was to have an OB intake appointment but the nurse was concerned by the wording of the ultrasound. So I had blood work drawn to make sure everything was good. These cam back very high and awesome and I was scheduled for a viability ultrasound on July 1st.
Jeff and I nervously went to the appointment. I was convinced nothing would be there, but lo and behold we saw and heard a heartbeat! I was over the moon again! Was schedule for my OB intake finally and was so happy. I got pictures and everything! We were happy parents! Jeff went out of town and I had more bleeding on July 3rd. Ultrasound was done and there was a tiny little bean with a heart beat. I was nervous still but felt good seeing that.
At my Ob intake appointment the nurse Jillian set me up to have pap. I haven’t had one in about 4 years and my last ones came back fine. When he examined me I began bleeding. I was packed(which was not fun and told to come back the next day. If the bleeding had stopped everything would be fine, if not I would be admitted to the hospital. So nervously I went home. The next morning I got up and noticed I was still bleeding, even through the packing. And when I went to the appointment I was told to go to the ER. I had an ultrasound and saw the little gummy bear. The OB/GYN residents came and examined me and told me they wanted to do a biopsy of my cervix. I was scheduled fo surgery.
Now because I was pregnant I had to have a spinal block, not general anesthesia due to being 10 weeks pregnant. That was different. I felt the poke of the numbing stuff then was told I would “feel pressure”. I didn’t feel any pressure but my butt did get warm and my legs felt heavy. I was laid back strapped into the stirrups and off we went! I didn’t feel anything, minus movement and sometimes pressure, but no pain. I laid there and they did their thing. I talked to the nice guy watching my vitals and he told me my labs. After all was said and done I was told we would had a talk. “Good or bad talk? I asked. “Not a good one” the doc responded.
It was at that moment I knew. I had cervical cancer. I just knew. So they rolled me to recovery and asked me if I wanted my family present when they told me. I said yes. So they got Jeff and my mom. I was told I have a 5cm tumor on my cervix, It was squamous cell invasive cancer stage 1 2B. Treatment is radiation and chemo therapy and the pregnancy would be terminated. I was sad but I tried to keep a good face. My mom went down to cry with her co-w0rkers(she works at this hospital on the ICU). Jeff and I just sat. I was trying to absorb it all, but I was numb like my legs.
I was taken up to the 7th floor for recovery. My hemoglobin was going down, due to the bleeding, and they wanted to monitor that. I was stuffed with packing which I could slowly start to feel and felt like a build-a-bear. The oncologist gynecologist came up and game me the news. I had a panic attack and threw up. I don’t remember much other than getting poked and trying not to cry. I know my dad and step mom showed up. I wasn’t hungry.
I was poked every 6 hours. No fun. I was getting fluid and was told if I didn’t pee soon after surgery I would get a foley cath(a tube into your bladder). I was so not having that. So I ended up finally peeing 675 mL. That’s more than a 20 bottle of coke. What was strange was that I could not feel when i had to pee. With the packing I felt like I constantly had to go. I didn’t sleep that night. I did eat some graham crackers and peanut butter and had an awesome nurse and extern who took care of me. My bestie came up and cried. I did a little too. Jeff slept on a chair and I had vitals every 4 hour and my blood pressure kept going down.
In the morning I ate breakfast even though I wasn’t hungry. I walked around the unit with my owl Hugh. I was tired of sitting in the same spot. The increased my fluids and brough my blood pressure up a bit. I had visitors, which was nice. My uncle and aunt, my Oma, and Jeff’s best friend. It was nice to see people. I was trying to remain positive. I have been trying this whole time. So I was discharged that night after the packing was taken out(seriously it was like a magic trick the amount of gauze that wa up there). I was so happy to be home. I needed to think and I needed to be home and away from everything to do that.
The next few days were kinda somber. I had a follow-up with my OB/GYN and just talked about the hospital and the biopsy. He was surprised by how fast everything progressed. It was somber. I saw the nurse who did my OB intake and we hugged. I had an appointment with my specialist the next day, today.
I saw my doctor and she looked at everything. Confirmed it is 5cm on the cervix. Felt around and looked and didn’t see that it had spread. Looks contained to the cervix. Treatment is 6-7 weeks of chemo and radiation. We talked about continuing the pregnancy. I can tell she is not thrilled. What would happen would be I would start chemo at 27-28 weeks and deliver at about 30 weeks. my little baby would be in the NICU while I underwent the chemo and radiation.
I have an MRI scheduled to see everything. It is the safest to continue the pregnancy, however if this has spread I will have to start treatment as soon as possible. My specialist is pretty open. I asked the risks and the obvious is the cancer spreading. We will know more after the official pathology report and the MRI which I will have Sunday the 26th and follow up with the specia
You can ask me any questions you want. If I have the answers I will let ya know. Yes I’m scared. Yes I’m nervous. I’m trying really hard not to cry. I’m trying to keep positive and laugh. I have been making jokes the whole time this has been going on. I had one night where I cried. and when I got up i was done with that. I can’t do that anymore. Not to say I won’t cry anymore, but I just have to save my enegry for the fight ahead.
I do want to say to those who have texted and messaged me with love, thank you more than you know. the outpour of loved has gotten me through this far! Don’t feel bad for asking a question, or you are worried you’ll upset me. You might, but that is ok. I need to have questions asked. It keeps me thinking and then I ask my doctor. If I don’t like the question I will tell you that I just don’t want to answer right now.
So that is me. I’ll know more Sunday after the MRI on Sunday. Just as life started looking good, I get a huge thunderstorm that knocks stuff down. I just have to remember there is a rainbow after the storm and stay positive.