So my blog is too sad. I’ve been reading my past entries, and while it’s how I feel I need some joy in my life. So here we go!
I live this man. He is my everything. My rock when I can’t go any farther. Always telling me I can do it. It’ll be ok. I’ll get another baby. He won’t give up on me. He loves me. He makes me food. He cuddles me when I don’t feel good. He makes me laugh after nightmares. He squeezes my hand tighter when babies are around. I’d be lost without him I really would. He think so do this alone. He’s wrong. I lay next to him every night thankful he’s here. He could have let. I wouldn’t have blamed him but he stayed. I love him and cannot wait to marry him in a year!
This cat. My snuggle buddy. The one who wakes me up at 5am. Who gets under the bathroom cabinet and wakes me up. Who meows for no reason and lays on my chest while I’m sleeping. I love this cat. She snuggles with me even when I smell funny. Without her I’d would really feel alone in my apartment. She’s silly and makes me laugh and is always finding a way to annoy me. She’s terrified of leaf blowers as the sirens during a thunder storm. She also talks to birds. She’s my little buddy. And Jeff let me have her!
My mom. Seriously wheat would I do without my mom? She’s made me pick line covers. Supported my decisions, and her iced the loss of this baby. She’s made me awesome sweat shirts and say with me through chemo and radiation. Drove me to appointments and kept my mind busy. She’s pretty awesome.
My family in general is pretty awesome. I’m lucky. They supported me in the hardest decision I had to make. I am loved.
My friends. The few close ones I have and the few who have given my gifts and sent me cards or messages. I thank you. In tough days I can find a gift and smile at least for a second. That helps me get through the tough days.
To all he people I haven’t met who have sent me things or helped me in a small way. Thank you. I am blown away by the generosity of others.
What I have to look forward to. A vacation in February. Dress shopping. I need all the distractions I can get I February. That’s when my baby would have been born. Also owl banding in April! So pumped! It’s going to be so cool!
Just have to defeat cancer first. Then I can get all these cool things. I can start living again. I can shower and food will taste the same again. It tastes weird now. I won’t be sore everywhere. I won’t have so many drugs to take. Get through chemo and radiation. Wait until January for the biggest test of my life. The PET scan that will tell me good or bad news. I get so anxious about it. It’s scary. Just gotta think palm trees. So close to palm trees.
Going in a cruise for my vacation. It’ll go to Key West, for pie, grand cayman, for scuba, Jamaica, for beauty, and Bahamas, to relax. Then back to port canaveral to see the Kennedy space center again! Maybe Disney? Who knows. I want to do so much. It’s what keeps me going!
So a happy update! Love all of you. It’s going to be a dark road but I’m trudging through it. Can’t see the light yet but it has to be coming. It isn’t has to be….